I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
