She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
