you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
