I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
