shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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