i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
