What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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