My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
