what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
