Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
