i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
