My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
