so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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