i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
