i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
