i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
