I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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