dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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