I heard we made out
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
