porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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