She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
