No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
