So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
