when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
