I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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