Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
