You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
