Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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