I will die if light touches me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
