in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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