Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
