Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
