i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
