I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Found your dick twin last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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