I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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