I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
