call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your penis caused this!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
