oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
