she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
