he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
