that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
