can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
