my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
