I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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