dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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