Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize