I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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