i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
