i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
