I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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