Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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