Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
