just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
