....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
