its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
