I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
