So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize