theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
