fuck your aforementioned shoe
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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