i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
