Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
