This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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