from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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