"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
