Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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