Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
