dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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